Precious Moments

From the moment I started blogging again, the first thing constantly in the front of my mind has been how you will grow up and learn that moments of your childhood are documented for all to see. I try to put myself in your shoes and wonder what it would feel like if my first moments had been shared so literally and digitally. My hope is that you will appreciate this documentation as a form of time capsule or baby book that you can look back on and not only read the words but see the dates and view the pictures that we have of these precious moments together when the world is all so new to you. I feel that if I write these moments down to you in a sort of letter, I'm not writing about you but talking to you, and always thinking about you and how you might feel when you read these words. I will not censor myself so to speak but will remember to always speak kindly to you and not share things that will particularly embarrass you, for this is my journey as your parent to share, but it is not my childhood to be free with. Children make mistakes, have hard days, short tempers, learn and grow and may not always want to be reminded of painful times and regretful memories, so I will strive to honor that. As far as a digital presence is concerned. I've agonised over sharing your image, name etc. online at all. While prohibiting their child's online presence does work for some of my friends, it doesn't seem to really suit our lives. We live so disconnected from some of our most dear family and friends that it is such an easy way to share our experiences across the pond with them and in turn feel a bit of a stronger sense of digital community. I know I've received great comfort in seeing the day to day struggles and joys of other blogging mothers, and rejoice in their children's joy and success and it feels cathartic to be able to share our own journey. I've decided for now; that this digital age may continue to be an ever growing presence in all our lives, that regardless of how I protect you online, your images may still exist and will be shared by family and friends, and that as soon as you are of an appropriate age, you may want an online presence yourself. I will do the best I can to make that image of you a positive one that you can look back on fondly, and at anytime if I feel it to be unwise or unsafe to be sharing about your life, the sharing will stop. I hope that as you grow you come to appreciate the story of our family  and that you too may share your experiences and joys as you travel on your own path.

With you always in mind xx

Mama

Going Home Again

Finishing up my summer weekend fun posts that I have been neglecting, is a bit about our trips up to the Berkshires this summer. I was born and raised in western MA before moving with my family to the dirty dirty, or New Orleans as some call it. However, I am fortunate enough that my Grandma still lives in the area and I am able to visit with her as much as possible in the same house that I spent many a childhood weekend now that, of course, our old house has been long bought and sold. It's a sad thing to move away from a much loved childhood home, to only be allowed a quick glance as you drive through town. You imagine driving up the driveway and walking up the stairs to find everything in its place exactly as you left it, it's your house after all. It raised you along with your parents, as a fixture in every childhood memory, surely that entitles you to some prior claim. I long to run through the yard, do some cartwheels, and pick a few apples from my tree, which I'm sure has withered away by now, and take a nap in the hammock. I used to tell my parents that I was never leaving our house. That when I grew up I would build a small house in the back yard and stay there forever. But as they say, you can't go home again, not really.



The Inn next door to our house where I spent many a day as a babysitter
source


"You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time — back home to the escapes of Time and Memory."

but you can come close. Make something new. Share your old family memories with your new family. That's why I feel so fortunate that we are still able to make the trip. I am still able to share some of my past life with my new husband. He is able to see the swimming holes where we learned how to swim and cliff jump, go to Tanglewood where I spent every summer of my young life visiting and listening to James Taylor, Beethoven, Mozart, John Williams and more while looking at the stars.

Sitting at my Grandma's table while we share a meal together, and Smores around the fire pit at our family's farm. Experiencing these things together strengthens how important they are. How important they were in shaping who I am today, and how much I look forward to passing them on to the next generation when the simple things like tradition are so easily lost. It helps him feel a part of my family, a part of my past life, present life and future life. It helps fill in the gaps and make us whole. And spending time with family, especially Grandmas.. that never gets old. There is never enough time, but I'm glad we can make the most of the time we do have here. You can't go home again, but you can come close.